If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Randomize
