he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
