He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
