The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
