I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
it's like iHOP with fire
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
