I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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