You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
