My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize