I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
