At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
