that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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