now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
