there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
