As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
