dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
