Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
