I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
