She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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