You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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