you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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