I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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