More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
