Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
