my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize