That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
