After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
