I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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