Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Randomize
