new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
