My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
My vagina just clenched in fear
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
its liver damage thursday
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
