All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
