I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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