so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
