if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
