my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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