Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
