walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
