you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
