Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize