And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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