Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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