I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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