just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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