i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
he was CRYING into my vagina
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
