walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
