Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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