So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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