Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Randomize
