shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
