dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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