Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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