fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
