I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
