According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
