My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
