genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
