I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
