Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
