HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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