Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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