So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
