the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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